How Important it is to encourage our men!
We are to encourage each other, especially those dear to us. Who is more dear to us than our husbands?
“Therefore, encourage one another and build each other up”. (1st Thessalonians 5:7)
My husband and I had a very rocky marriage for the first 7 years. It is never easy to encourage someone who did not want to contribute to having a good marriage. Most days I found I was the opposite of encouraging; I was a nagging, discouraging and negative wife because I felt a lot of self pity and felt my actions were justified. I was struggling, our marriage was failing due to an addiction so therefore, why would I encourage my husband? In my “righteous” opinion, He didn’t deserve encouragement.
Jesus loves to encourage me!
So do I “deserve” encouragement? Jesus encourages me all the time. Even when I have a bad attitude or when I had sinned before Him. In John 16:33 the Lord encourages us by saying “take heart, I have overcome the world” when we face trials and tribulations. Not only that, but He also almost commands us to encourage others.
To Encourage our Husband is to Honor the Lord.
God’s command and will for us-wives, is to submit to our husbands, regardless of their personal worth or spiritual condition. We can willingly and lovingly submit if we view it as an act of obedience to the Lord. Same with encouragement. I am to build my husband up, as a willing and loving act of obedience to the Lord. (Ephesians 5:22-23). In other words, because I love the Lord and want to be obedient to Him, I will encourage my husband.
How I learned to encourage my husband:
One day, as I came to the Lord in prayer for my husband, I asked that He would speak to me. As I was praying, I believe that God spoke to me through a vision; I’ve never experienced this before but I knew for sure it was from Him.
I was seeking the Lord with all my heart because I was struggling so much. And when we seek Him with all your heart, He comes through and reveals Himself to us in various ways.
This came as a clear picture that my marriage is like a house. The foundation is the Lord, the walls of the house is my husband and I am the roof. Silly really but, a question followed. “What would happen to your house if the walls were to crumble? Wouldn’t the whole house crumble? Including the roof? The foundation would remain, but the house would be in ruins”.
I felt God’s presence and His gentle voice telling me that I am to “build my husband up”, to “hold up these walls”, to “help these walls stand firm”, simply to “encourage him”.
Encourage & Pray for your husband.
I believe that God needed to show me why it is important to encourage my husband and to pray for him daily.
God made the husband to be the head of the wife, and Himself to the be head of the husband. So, if the husband isn’t doing very well, the marriage will struggle. I have experienced this in my marriage firsthand.
I asked myself then after I got up from my knees, “am I building my husband up, or am I scratching at those walls, kicking them, tearing them down, trying to do “without” them, acting as if though I can do without?”.
At that moment it was clear, I was not an encouraging wife. I was breaking my husband down instead of building him up. The Lord told me clearly to start to encourage my husband and I had to make a choice then and there.
How my husband felt when my encouragement was lacking.
In conversation with my hubby, I asked how he feels when I don’t encourage him. His answer was shocking; useless, unwanted & weak. I came to a conclusion that encouragement is as essential as oxygen in our lives. Especially in our marriages.
When I encourage him, his heart changes, and so does mine..
I am glad I chose to build him up because the whole atmosphere began to change; attitudes got better, negativity was disappearing, it was easier to respect him, he became less defensive and things slowly got better. Most importantly, I was obeying the Lord and my own heart was changing.
“Encourage one another daily, as long as it is called ‘Today,’ so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.” (Hebrews 3:13). We are to encourage our husbands so that our own hearts don’t get hardened.
So you may ask “How can I encourage my husband”?
I want to encourage you today to “build your husband up”. Regardless of what your battle is, don’t try to tear him down. Don’t give the enemy that satisfaction. Because by building him up, you are fulfilling your duty as a wife and leaving no wiggle room for the enemy to whisper lies.
When I help my husband see Jesus in a tough situation, or help him be like Jesus when he’s dealing with a difficult person, I am encouraging him. When I help him rely on a promise of God when he’s struggling, or when I assure my husband that God’s got it under control and remind him of His grace, I am encouraging him.